Superheroes vs Pregnancy

For the past few weeks I've been wondering if Superwoman ever did a load of laundry or washed dishes? Did Wonder Woman managed a household, or chase her 4 year old through a crowded grocery store? How did any of them endure their workouts while under the spell of  PMS. I'm sure these chicks were never crazy enough to procreate! Or were they...

For my first two trimesters I felt like a Superhero in the making. I pushed myself through pregnant workouts in hopes that after my baby was born I would bounce back with vengeance. As if the baby was going to be a sort of energy stick in some virtual game of CrossFit competition. 

My entire pregnancy everyone told me to chill out, drop the weight, and not push so hard, even after I had dropped my weights and slowed my workouts down significantly. I thought because I had been to the CrossFit games, and because I was an Elite CrossFitter that I was unstoppable. Last friday my doctor and husband told me differently.  The lump in my groin is indeed a hernia, ingrinal hernia to be exact. No more workouts, doctors orders. She said the hernia isn't bad and most people wouldn't have surgery on them. With that I asked, "What if I ever want to lift heavy weights again?" Her response, "You'll need to have the surgery then, but not until after the baby is born." Then she suggested I get a brace to help support the belly so it doesn't put more pressure on the hernia. And Scott sat next to her with his arms crossed and "I told you so" written all over his face...

After the hernia was diagnosed she took a look at my very purple varicose vein and asked if it hurt. Again Scott sat next to her with his arms crossed and"I told you so" written all over his face.  Then he totally threw me under the bus, "She isn't wearing support hose," and then him and the doctor took turns lecturing me. With that the doctor sent us to a specialty shop for a belly brace and support hose.

At this special store I was fitted for a brace made for women carrying multiples and support hose that could strangle a boa constrictor. Since the varicosity is only in one leg I only have to wear one thigh high...what is the singular word for hose? Hoe?... Check out my sexy grandma support hoe! And putting the damn thing on is like running a marathon! The sales lady told me, "Now, put this on every morning when you wake up and don't take it off until you go to bed." I wanted to reach across the counter and strangle her with my new support hoe. We barely made it out of the store before I broke into tears. My sciatic nerves hurt, my hips are loosening up and all over the place, this hernia is painful, I have a golf ball of breast tissue in my arm pit, and my pubic symphysis is screaming. Now you want me to wear a hot, tight support hoe and belly brace?! Goodbye comfort, it was so nice to knowing ya. AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY CROSSFIT! My heart is literally broken over this one. I feel that mix of emotion a high school girl feels when her boyfriend breaks up with her.....

Twelve weeks off, plus six weeks to recover from labor, oh and with hernia and varicose vein surgery in mind I no longer have a comeback plan. But hey, there's always 2012.